Christmastime 2011 was very, very hard for me. It was such a strong reminder that my desire to be a mom was still out of my reach plus we were in the midst of a very intense and all-consuming cycle of infertility treatment. I was scared. I was excited. I was overwhelmed. I was frustrated. I was worn thin from all the lovely side effects that come along with infertility medications. There were many difficult moments within that treatment cycle, most specifically a heartbreaking time period where we were bracing ourselves to cancel mid-cycle because, after two straight weeks of injections, my body was not responding well.
December 2011 I prayed and prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped and hoped that it would be our last Christmas as a family of two. I daydreamed ahead to the next year, almost afraid to include a baby in the picture because I was afraid of how crushed and heartbroken I would be if our desire to have a child was delayed yet again. The thought of another holiday season without a child in my arms seemed like too much to bear.
|With my niece on Christmas Day 2011|
I remember that morning almost as though it were yesterday. The excitement and nervousness leading up to the appointment. Waking up that morning with jitters. Hugging my husband a million times. The chill in the air. Driving downtown early on Christmas Eve morning, only to see the usually crowded streets empty. So peaceful and serene. Before heading into our appointment we sat there in the car for several moments, praying out loud with every fiber in our beings that the procedure would be successful and God would bless us with pregnancy. It was one of what felt like infinite prayers that were lifted up that day. I was scared but had so much hope for things to come.
December 24, 2011 our little girl was breathed into life. I smile just thinking about how perfectly God orchestrated all of the details in our path to parenthood, and how he created this specific child for us, at that specific time. Our Christmas miracle.
Christmas should first and foremost be about celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But this Christmas I can't help but also celebrate the enormous gift He blessed us with this past year and the anniversary of one year of life for Eliana Hope.
Thank you Lord, my heart is overflowing with gratitude. May I always proclaim your goodness and celebrate all the blessings--big and small--that you bestow upon us.